If you need some advice and would like to ask a question for the column, please contact Silver Assist by email [email protected] or call number 0333 188 7787.

Q. My mum has always been fiercely independent, but I can see that her health is declining and she is finding things more difficult at home. I don’t live nearby, so I am constantly worrying about her.

I have tried speaking to her about having some care, but she immediately dismisses the idea and insists that she is managing perfectly well. I don’t want to take away her independence or upset her, but I am reaching my wits’ end. How can I help someone who refuses to accept that she needs support?

A. It is worth remembering that your mum’s fierce independence is not necessarily a bad thing. It may be one of the qualities that has helped her remain at home and manage for as long as she has. The aim should not be to take that independence away, but to find ways of protecting it.

Sometimes the word care itself can create a barrier. To your mum, accepting care may feel like admitting that she is vulnerable or no longer capable. Rather than beginning with a conversation about “carers”, you could ask whether she would consider some practical help at home—perhaps someone coming in once a week to help with cleaning, changing the bed or another task she is finding tiring.

This should always be discussed honestly with your mum and introduced with her agreement. However, some care providers also offer light household support, so the person helping her could have the appropriate experience to notice changes in her general wellbeing and respond if her needs begin to develop.

Just as importantly, it gives your mum the opportunity to become familiar with somebody while the support required is still relatively light. If trust and a comfortable relationship are established now, she may find it easier to accept additional help from that same person in the future.

For many people, the real concern is not the help itself but the thought of allowing a stranger into the place where they feel safest. Starting slowly, involving your mum in choosing the person and allowing her to remain in control can make an enormous difference.

It is usually better to explore support proactively than to wait until a fall, hospital admission or other crisis limits the choices available. You may not resolve everything in one conversation, but a small and acceptable first step can often open the door.

Care to Share? — I’m struggling at home. What financial help is available?

Q. “I’m finding everyday things at home more difficult and think I could do with some help. I’m worried about the cost and don’t know what benefits or support I might qualify for. Where should I start?

A. It can feel overwhelming knowing where to begin, but you don’t have to work it all out on your own. Two useful starting points are Attendance Allowance and a care needs assessment.

Attendance Allowance is a benefit for people who have reached State Pension age and need personal care or supervision because of a disability or health condition. It isn’t means-tested, so your income and savings won’t affect eligibility. You can qualify even if nobody is currently providing the help you need. Normally, you must have needed that help for at least six months, although special rules apply for people nearing the end of life.

For 2026/27, the lower rate is £76.70 a week, generally for qualifying help or supervision during the day or at night. The higher rate is £114.60 a week, generally for qualifying needs during both day and night, or under the end-of-life rules. The money can help with the support that makes everyday life easier, including companionship or practical help at home.

There is free help with applying. Age Cymru Powys offers benefits advice and assistance with Attendance Allowance forms; call 01686 623707. Here at Silver Assist Home Care, we also help members of the public complete these applications free of charge. You can apply through GOV.UK, download a paper form, or request one from the Attendance Allowance helpline on 0800 731 0122.

You can also contact Powys County Council’s ASSIST team on 0345 602 7050, or use “Contact Assist Online” on the council website, to request a care needs assessment for yourself or a loved one. The assessment is free and considers your difficulties, your wishes and the support you need. You can ask for it regardless of your savings.

If you qualify for council support, a separate financial assessment establishes any contribution. In Wales, the capital limit for care at home is £24,000. Having less than this does not automatically mean care is free, because income is also considered. Powys currently caps charges for council-arranged community care at £100 a week; some people pay less or nothing. This cap does not apply to care you arrange privately yourself. However, you may be able to work with a private care provider that works with the local authority.

Care to Share? — Dad keeps forgetting his tablets, but doesn’t want care

Q. “My dad manages remarkably well at home and is fiercely independent. He doesn’t feel he needs carers, but he sometimes forgets his medication. Are there any reminders or gadgets that could help without taking away his independence?”

Silver Assist Home Care responds

A. It’s understandable that your dad wants to keep managing things himself. Support can begin with a small adjustment to his routine, agreed with him, rather than immediately introducing care visits.

Start by speaking with his pharmacist. They can explore why doses are being missed, review suitable medication aids and advise whether his medicines can safely be placed in a dispenser. His GP or pharmacist may also be able to review whether his medication routine could be simpler.

For someone who understands their medicines but occasionally forgets the time, a phone alarm or a spoken reminder from a device such as Amazon Alexa may help. Agree the reminder with your dad and try it together so it feels useful and familiar.

Another option is an automatic, alarmed pill dispenser. Depending on the model, it stores pre-filled doses and makes the appropriate compartment accessible at a set time, with an alarm or flashing light. Some continue sounding until the tablets are removed; others can notify a nominated person if a dose is missed. Designs vary, so check the features carefully before buying. The Alzheimer’s Society explains these options on its technology guidance page. These aids can also be useful for people without dementia.

Someone will need to take responsibility for filling and checking the dispenser, following the pharmacist’s advice, and updating it whenever a prescription changes. Removing tablets from a device does not necessarily mean they have been swallowed, so it is important to check whether the arrangement actually helps.

If your dad is repeatedly missing doses, taking extra tablets or becoming confused about what to take, seek advice promptly. For a missed or possible extra dose, ask a pharmacist or NHS 111 what to do rather than guessing.

The aim is to find the simplest reliable support that respects his choices. Try it, review it together, and adjust the support if his needs change.

Care to Share? — I’m worried about my memory, but frightened of a diagnosis

Q. “I’ve become more forgetful and my family thinks I should speak to my GP. I’m frightened they’ll tell me I have dementia, and that people will treat me differently. Is there really any benefit in finding out?”

A. That fear is understandable. Worring about a diagnosis—and about how others might respond—can make it difficult to take the first step. But you deserve to have your concerns taken seriously and to receive support without judgement.

Memory difficulties do not always mean dementia. Stress, anxiety, depression and sleeping problems can also affect memory. If changes are affecting everyday life, book a GP appointment. You could take someone you trust and jot down a few examples beforehand. In Powys, your GP can refer you to the Memory Assessment Service if further assessment is appropriate.

If dementia is diagnosed, understanding the type can help you access suitable treatment and plan support around what matters to you. Some medicines may help with symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease and some other dementias. These medicines do not cure dementia, and they are not suitable for everyone; a clinician will discuss the options with you.

A diagnosis can also connect you with ongoing advice. Powys Teaching Health Board offers post-diagnostic support through its Memory Assessment Service. Its Dementia Navigators help people and their carers find information, practical advice and local support. Ask your memory service or GP how to contact the navigator covering your area.

There are practical ways to make home life easier, too. A calendar clock, sometimes called a dementia clock, clearly displays the day, date and time; some also show whether it is morning or evening. An occupational therapist or social services can advise on suitable equipment and whether anything can be provided following assessment. A diagnosis alone does not automatically entitle someone to a particular device.

Locally, Dementia Matters in Powys offers meeting centres and support for people living with dementia and those who care for them. You can also ask ASSIST on 0345 602 7050 about care needs and carers’ assessments. You do not need to wait for a diagnosis to ask for advice about difficulties you are already experiencing.

A diagnosis does not take away your identity, your preferences or everything you can still do. It can help others understand how to support you while keeping your voice at the centre of decisions.

If someone becomes suddenly confused, rather than gradually more forgetful, seek emergency medical help by calling 999.

Care to Share? — I need a break from caring, but feel guilty

Reader’s question

“I care for my husband and wouldn’t want anyone to think he’s a burden. But I’m tired, and sometimes I just want an afternoon to myself. Whenever I think about arranging help, I feel guilty. Is it selfish to need a break?”

Silver Assist Home Care responds:

Needing time for yourself does not mean you love your husband any less. You can be a devoted partner and still need rest, company and space to look after your own wellbeing.

Caring can gradually become an around-the-clock responsibility, even when many of the individual tasks seem small. Being constantly available, planning and worrying about someone can be tiring too. You don’t have to reach exhaustion before asking for support. Caring isn’t always about being physically tired, without an opportunity to recharge it can have significant emotional impact which can lead to burn out. Respite simply means someone else provides suitable support while you take a break. It doesn’t necessarily involve a stay in a care home. It could mean a trusted person spending a few hours with your husband at home, or an activity or meeting centre he enjoys while you have some time to yourself.

Starting gently may help you both feel more comfortable. Meet the person who will be providing support together, explain your husband’s routines and interests, and arrange a short first visit. Familiarity and a clear plan can make it easier to relax.

Your break doesn’t need a special justification. Seeing a friend, going for a walk, attending your own appointments or simply resting are all valid ways to spend that time.

In Powys, you can ask for a carer’s needs assessment through the council’s ASSIST team on 0345 602 7050. This considers how caring affects your life and what support you may need. Be honest about tiredness, interrupted sleep and anything you are finding difficult. Respite arrangements and any financial contribution depend on assessment and the support available.

Your wellbeing matters in its own right. You deserve care and consideration too.

Care to Share? — Should we correct Mum when she gets things wrong?

Reader’s question

“My mum has dementia, and my brother often corrects her when she gets a name, date or memory wrong. I think he means well, but she seems embarrassed and sometimes stops joining in. How can I talk to him without causing an argument?”

Silver Assist Home Care responds:

It can be painful to notice your mum becoming uncomfortable, particularly when your brother is probably trying to help. He may believe that correcting her will keep her memory active, or simply be responding as he always has.

For someone living with dementia, repeated corrections can make conversation feel difficult or discouraging. Dementia affects memory and understanding, so explaining the facts may not resolve the confusion. Listening calmly and recognising the feelings behind someone’s words can be more helpful.

Speak to your brother privately, at a calm moment, rather than challenging him in front of your mum. Start with your shared wish for her to feel comfortable and included. You could say:

“I know you’re trying to help Mum. I’ve noticed that sometimes, when we correct her, she seems embarrassed and goes quiet. Could we try letting the little inaccuracies pass and see whether she enjoys the conversation more?”

Offer an alternative he can use. If she gets the year wrong while telling a favourite holiday story, you might ask, “What did you enjoy most about that holiday?” The exact date may matter less than the pleasure of sharing the memory.

This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or inventing explanations. You can acknowledge her feelings without confirming something inaccurate: “That sounds worrying,” or “Tell me more about that.” If she asks for a fact or welcomes a gentle prompt, it is fine to help her. Take your lead from her response.

Where an error affects safety, medication or an important decision, accurate information does matter. Respond calmly and seek professional advice where needed, rather than turning it into a debate.

Your brother may need time to adjust too. Sharing the Alzheimer’s Society’s guidance on communicating with someone with dementia could help you agree an approach together.

At Silver Assist Home Care, we encourage families to focus on helping the person feel heard, respected and included. Your mum should still be able to enjoy a conversation without feeling that her memory is being tested.

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